October 30, 2010 Effective Grieving

The book of Lamentations makes a lot more sense when you read it right after Jeremiah.  Considering what had happened to Jerusalem, the siege and the exile to Babylon, it makes total sense to grieve.  Most of us are familiar with the "stages of grief" from psychology.  Instead of referring to that right now, I am looking solely at what I learned about grieving from what we've read so far in Lamentations.  Then we can evaluate the observations as we read the rest of the book and review what we've already read.

There are different points of view expressed in this long poem of grief.  It's not so confusing when you read it this way.  However, strong feelings of confusion are natural when experiencing grief, especially something so deeply affecting as what Jeremiah is writing about.  As we see Jerusalem personified as a grieving widow, and then enter in to her experience and the expression of her grief, we can learn a lot. 

There's Jeremiah's personal grief expressed here, too;  and sometimes it even seems that God is expressing His own grief through Jeremiah.  I came to the conclusion that God grieved as much as anyone for having to put His people through the stuff.  If you're a parent, you most likely know how painful it is for parents to do the needed discipline at times.  It is obvious that God did not enjoy the destruction and the resulting grief of His people.  He's a compassionate God.

So, my first conclusion is this:  if you've suffered loss, no matter what type, tell the story and express the grief as thoroughly and honestly as you can (and a creative medium such as journaling or poetry can help you do this).  At first, you don't have to think through the feelings, make sense of them, dissect them or judge them (they may seem irrational to you or others).  Just get them out in reviewable form.

If we are around someone who is grieving, being able to hear/see, etc. the feelings helps us share the grief with them-- helps us understand.  Reading this book, along with some of the Psalms and other people's expressions, can help us understand someone in extreme grief even if we haven't been there ourselves.  Being open to sharing our grief expressions with intimate others can open us up to sharing our grief with God, and to experiencing His comfort as well.  We understand from Lamentations that God does not hold Himself aloof from our grief, even if we have brought a loss onto ourselves (yes, I have been there). 

IMPORTANT: I want to note that we must not apply the discipline reason for loss to someone (even to ourselves, as in the throes of grief, we may become self-condemning) unless it is our own child we ourselves are disciplining.  It is up to the Holy Spirit to reveal the "whys" for things happening to people, and He may not always do so. It can be so terribly wounding to people for us to try to interpret their losses for them, even if we are correct-- and we most likely are not.  Please refrain from doing so (unless you're the prophet Jeremiah--and remember, he warned them in advance by God's orders).

Second, in the midst of the grieving process, it is paramount to remember what we know about God, review things He's done for us, and praise Him for His goodness and steadfast love.  Making ourselves read or listen to the Word is essential in this process.  If we have journaled about His work in our lives, this is a good time to go back to it and read it again.    We may be feeling really angry at God, and maybe we're blaming Him for stuff.  He can handle it, and He is OK with us expressing these thoughts and feelings.  But He also wants us to draw away from the feelings and the grief sometimes, and just meditate on Him.  Sometimes others can remind us of His love and goodness, and His good plans for us-- this must be done gently and with love.  Look how Jeremiah did this so tenderly in the middle of Lamentations.  Such a good example!

The third part is a melding process of the first two.  The Holy Spirit begins to work in us to compare and contrast our experience and feelings of grief with the realities of God.  The more we are able to immerse ourselves in Him and His Word, including fellowship with wise and loving believers, the quicker we are able to integrate what we've experienced and feel with our knowledge of Him and the truth He reveals to us.  Slowly, (and it's different for everyone in timing and the way the process looks), things start to clear up.  We see where we need to repent, and we are able to do so.  We see what God is doing in our life, and we are able to hear and accept His promises for the future.   He imparts His peace to us as we hold on in faith to what we believe about Him. 

The more solidly we are rooted into the Rock that is God, and the more thoroughly we have allowed His Word to change our thinking, the more equipped we will be to endure hardship, loss, and even disaster, and the more effectively we will be able to work through our grief and help others to do so as well.  Even if we find ourselves being disciplined for something, we will be secure in the love and goodness of our Father.  Perhaps we will even avoid said discipline by having experienced vicariously the loss and grief, repentance and restoration of another.  I believe this is God's hope for us all.  

August 5, 2010 When All Seems Lost, God Makes A Way

I was suicidal once, years back; for a month or more, I struggled with thoughts of how I could end my life because chronic depression had left me hopeless, and my circumstances seemed unchangeable.  I had lost connection with my faith in God, although I would not have denied it consciously.  The only thing that kept me going was that I needed to take care of my children.  I thank God for a dad who heard God, comprehended where I was at, and offered to pay for therapy.  This was the beginning of a long journey of healing and restoration for me.  That I now have abiding peace and joy in my life, and a stable environment and relationships, is a great example of the power of the cross of Christ.  It is in Him alone that I have found reality, sanity and purpose.

I share this because it is the first thing I thought of when I saw the heading for today's reading in Ezra: End of the Babylonian Captivity.  What I saw in the passage was that if God could stir up the spirit of Cyrus, He can do whatever needs to be done to rescue us from our distresses.  He did do that for me.  When I thought no good could come from my life (that was of course, a deception), God broke through my darkness and brought me out.  My sinful choices had gotten me into captivity in the first place.  God used it for good in my life anyway. 

When humanity had fallen into the depths of depravity, God made a way.  When Jesus went to the cross to die, He took upon Himself the whole of mankind's mess.  He came back from the depths of death bringing our deliverance with Him.  As Paul said, it sounds like foolishness to a lot of people, but I say, foolishness or not, it's wisdom and life.  I can testify first hand-- I'm only alive because of Him.

The Corinthians passages are some of the most powerful and hopeful I know of: I love them!  When you put them together with the Ezra account, the Psalms and the Proverbs, today's reading packs a powerfully hopeful punch! I completely embrace being a "foolish thing"!  It means I'm chosen to put to shame the "high and mighty" things of the world.  I just said to my husband this morning, that I didn't belong in the big, bad world-- that I just wanted to hide out "in a cave" and be a little girl.  The fact is, I am God's little girl!  I don't have to fit in with, or be accepted by, the world (that's perishing anyway); I don't belong!  I belong to the Kingdom!  I'm in Christ and Christ is in God.  I can be strong in the power of His might!  I  can glory in Him!  I don't have to be anything, because He is everything.  However, as I keep pressing into Him, the foolishness that is me gives way to the wisdom that is Him.  I begin to realize that in the Kingdom I have substance, significance, sustainability.

If you are lost, Jesus is the Way.  If you have been found by Him, Jesus is still the Way.  Along the Way you find Truth and Life.  These things are worth living for!  Whether you know it or not, Jesus already died for you and proclaimed you "forgiven."  Your future love relationship with God began at that moment.  Whenever you awake to this reality and say "yes," the adventure begins.  Never give up on your life!  You will be totally surprised at the wondrous things He has in store for you, even if you feel like a foolish thing right now.   

Bonus: Negativity is the beginning of the suicidal road; here's how not to get there, ever:

"I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness of the LORD
In the land of the living.
Wait on the LORD;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the LORD."
Psalm 27:13-14

Questions to ponder:
Have you ever struggled with despair or suicidal thoughts? How did you get out from under them?
If you have had victory in this area, have you ever shared it with others?
Do you know anyone who struggles with depression or suicidal thoughts?
How do you deal with that? 
Even if these things are far from your own experience, what have you learned that is applicable to you?

Truth: Whatever you've overcome in your life is what the Lord will use to minister life to others through you.

July 17, 2010 The Robe of Righteousness

God's ideas about righteousness are very different from the ones we come up with as human beings.  God says righteousness can only be received, by believing Him.  He says there's nothing we can do, even from the Mosaic law, to make us righteous.  If we want to be accepted by God, we're going to have to come to Him on His terms.  We can't go before His throne of grace in filthy rags (our own efforts to be righteous).  We have to go before Him in a robe of righteousness.  We are given this robe when we receive Christ as our savior.  His righteousness is placed on us, and then we are clothed properly. 

When we are in right standing with the Father based on our faith in Christ, we can then come before Him in our time of need (which is all the time, isn't it?).  Now that we have been given a right relationship with the Father God through Christ our Brother, we are going to have the opportunity to grow up in Him.  The end result is people who are just like Jesus, walking in righteousness that flows from the inside out because He lives in us.  This delights the Father, but it is never what makes us right with Him.   

April 14, 2010

The Luke passage again reminded me of the problem of offenses (remember the walled city).  What He says shows us how very serious offenses are.  Here, Jesus is teaching us about what we need to do to avoid offenses.  Then He said to the disciples, “It is impossible that no offenses should come, but woe to him through whom they do come! It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones. Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him.” Luke 17: 1-4

Notice that everybody's talking in the last scenario.  Offenses come when we don't talk to our brothers and sisters.  He's speaking about our family in the faith-- people in a Family whose whole foundation is God's total forgiveness.  He instructs us to tell them what they did wrong, that is, when they do something to us that is sinful (He doesn't mean go around and correct everybody for everything!  This is personal).  And He doesn't say, go point out the person's repeat errors. He says if they do it again and come and repent to you, let them know you forgive them, over and over.  This is a great way for us to get trained in a righteous behavior, by practicing accountability.  Notice that this brother is not offended, since he keeps asking for forgiveness. And we are walking in forgiveness, which means we've released it to the Lord.

Pay attention, though: Jesus said "Take heed to yourselves."  We're being careful here not to create an offense.  And not to take offense ourself.  We all sin on a regular basis.  We get offended when we don't get things aired out.  If I let someone sin against me over and over, and I don't point it out to them, it is too easy to become hard of heart, bitter and unforgiving.  Soon my fellowship with God and others is ruined.  This is offense.  Jesus didn't say, "If your brother offends you."  We choose to be offended.  If we do as Jesus said, we keep ouselves clear.  Guarding against offense means we must act against it before it comes, because once we're offended, we're probably going to need to be rescued (delivered).

We must understand how we could possibly create an offense, so we can be careful not to do so.  We help create an offense by not speaking correction at the proper time.  Consider this:  what if, later on, the person realizes they've been sinning all this time, and you didn't tell them.  What if they reaped all sorts of bad consequences for their sin that could have been avoided by honesty. 

We also create a situation for offense when we wound someone and do not admit it and ask them to forgive us for our sin.  It's not enough to repent privately to God and know we're forgiven.  If someone is harboring something against us (we used to call it "an ought" from the King James, and all that means is "something"), then things are not healthy, and we are all hindered.  The Kingdom of God is a lot about right relationship.  These things can contribute to people taking offense-- not only against you, but against the whole church, and eventually God.  They create opportunities for the devil to steal, kill and destroy.

The direst circumstance of creating offense is against "one of these little ones."  I see this as little either in the natural, as a young child, or young in the family of God.  I think a "little one" can be anyone you are have authority over.  When a person in authority-- such as a parent, or a spiritual leader-- sins against those in their protection-- those who trust and follow them-- they create a situation where the rebuke-repent-forgive scenario (open communication) cannot usually take place. 

"Little ones" will usually be too afraid to approach the authority to confront them about a sin.  If they do attempt it, most of the time, they are repelled, and will never attempt it again.  The young, untrained, and immature have the ability to forgive a parent or leader's sin without speaking about it to them (and most of the time to no one but God), but if the sin is very heinous or repeated, and it is not humbly confessed, this places a burden on these little ones that, too many times, cannot be overcome without help. 

Parents are mistaken if they think they should never admit wrong to their children. [In order to keep from defiling them unnecessarily, we confess only what the child already knows about].  Humble repentance is always in good order.  Children respond very gracefully to it, are very forgiving (unless they are already offended), and learn by the example. 

Our responsibility as Christians, especially if we are in a place of maturity and leadership, is to do everything we can to guard against offense.  Offense causes people to build terrible walls around their heart and life.  These walls become fortresses that keep people from loving and receiving love, and often make people lash out angrily.  If we realize we have helped create an offense, we must get on our face and repent before God, seeking Him as to how to restore the person or people.  It will not be easy, but nothing is impossible with God. 

Having been in the place of offense myself, on both sides, I can testify that the feeling is much like Jesus described: a millstone tied around one's neck and drowning in the sea.  Until we realize how horrible it is to treat people in this way, and how unbearable it is to be in this place, we will not be diligent enough.

I have not discussed sinning against, and causing offense, in unbelievers.  How has the world been affected by the professing Christian who does not walk in love or obey Christ's commands?  What must we do to deliver the world from offense?

April 10, 2010

The Bible says that the Lord knew Moses face to face!  Deut. 34:10.  I always thought of it the other way around (i.e., Moses knew God face to face), but I even checked out Exodus 33:11: So the LORD spoke to Moses face to face, as a man speaks to his friend.

It seems that Jesus expects this kind of open-faced knowing from us as well. What do you think? I saw it here in this Scripture:
Then one said to Him, “Lord, are there few who are saved?” And He said to them, “Strive to enter through the narrow gate, for many, I say to you, will seek to enter and will not be able. When once the Master of the house has risen up and shut the door, and you begin to stand outside and knock at the door, saying, ‘Lord, Lord, open for us,’ and He will answer and say to you, ‘I do not know you, where you are from,’  then you will begin to say, ‘We ate and drank in Your presence, and You taught in our streets.’  But He will say, ‘I tell you I do not know you, where you are from. Depart from Me, all you workers of iniquity.’   Luke 13:23-27

What does it take for the Lord to know us?  He certainly put an emphasis on that here.  And it wasn't just about being in the same vicinity and having the same nationality.  Obviously, the Lord knows everything, and He of course know us inside and out, as He made us and is omniscient and omnipresent.  So what does it take for the Lord to know us?  I want to know!  I want to make it through that narrow gate!

I try to stick with the Scripture reading of the day (there's so much in them!), but when I picked up my tea to go warm it up again, the Lord reminded me of these verses:  "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, But fools despise wisdom and instruction." Proverbs 1:7 "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding." Proverbs 9:10

We might start out so afraid of God, like Moses (Exodus 3:6), that we won't even show our face.  We're not going to get to know God like that!  But the Lord's saying, "Where are you?  Open up!  Why are you hiding?"  Like He did with Adam and Eve.  If we allow fear, shame and the need to belong (thank you, Eldon, for that great teaching!) to keep us from showing our face to God, we'll remain foolish, because how will we overcome those issues if we will not receive instruction?  If the Lord's saying "I do not know you," it's because we're too proud to let Him in.  If we're going to go through His gate, He's going to first have to come in through ours.

Jesus said to those of His nation who would not believe in Him:  "See! Your house is left to you desolate; and assuredly, I say to you, you shall not see Me until the time comes when you say, ‘Blessed is He who comes in the name of the LORD!’” Luke 13: 35 

I'll never forget the day I realized, with a huge shock, that God saw everything about me! I had spent my life deperately trying to hide from Him, in spite of the fact I'd called myself a Christian for most of it.  I was in the middle of a rather wretched fight with my husband, and it was going nowhere.  I felt so hopeless.  Suddenly, the Lord revealed where I was at.  I remember falling onto the floor and weeping uncontrollably when I realized that God saw through my defenses.  I decided then that I had to stop hiding from the Lord behind the masks and walls I had built around myself to protect me from hurt, real or imagined.

Even though I had gotten revelation, it took years before I was willing to totally lay down the things that I used to shield myself from others and from God.  I was so expert at creating defenses that most of them were hidden even from myself.  I'm still not sure they're all gone, but at least now I am willing to be shown, either by the Lord or a person that He might speak through.  The more I reveal myself to Him, the more He reveals Himself to me. 

Have you ever seen a child, who, by covering her eyes, thinks she is hiding from her parent?  I have!  A child quickly figures it out, but it is funny when they first do it.  We are like that with the Lord, and yet how slowly we come to the reality that we must not try to hide from Him.  He can see us anyway.  And the great truth is, that He loves us, so much more, than we love our own little children.

It is wisdom to uncover the face of our heart when we go to the written Word, for in it we will find Christ, if we will only open our eyes and let Him see us.

January 25, 2010

There are a lot of voices in the world, and we have to discern which ones we're hearing, and choose our responses accordingly. The people were saying all sorts of different things about who Jesus was, but the only right answer was revealed by the Father-- Jesus is the Christ, God's Son.

Peter got that revelation, but then he heard and responded to the wrong voice (Satan's) when he rebuked Jesus.

Every revelation from God is not as overwhelming as what Peter then got on the mountain and heard God say "This is my Son, the Beloved; with him I am well pleased; listen to Him!' Matthew 17:5. It's still the same powerful revelation though, so hold on to it. The next time an opposing voice comes along, use this Word and shoot down the lies.

And listen to Jesus, no matter how He's speaking!